I feel miserable, i dont want to cry... maybe i do. i dont know
I feel helpless
Sunday, February 05, 2006
SOS
It is annoying when people expect me to look good all the time, dressed perfectly, with perfect hair and a picture perfect bright expression and a smile on your face? I am sorry I cannot work according to your expectations all the time. People expect you to be perfect all the time, but don’t want you to be better than them. So when you do seem perfect they are jealous and when not, they point fingers and make fun of you. What the heck is their problem? Just get on with your lives and leave me alone.
There are going to be days I’m feeling down, days on which I don’t want to be sweet to everyone, days I don’t wanna listen to the problems in your life, days I am preoccupied with decisions of my life, days I may not wanna pay attention to my hair or my dress, days I don’t wanna be bothered at all.
There are going to be times that the food I cook may be short of salt, there are going to be times I’m going to spill milk while boiling, and there are going to be times I will forget to put sugar in the tea, there are going to be times I over or undercook food. I don’t want to be perfect, or I don’t want you to tell me I should be perfect or less than that. I want to be human.
There are going to be times when my bag gets torn, there are going to be times when my sandals get spoiled, there are going to be times I will want to watch stupid movies which do not seem to have intelligent storylines or perfect direction, there are going to be times I would want to listen to idiotic music, there are going to be times when I will read books that would seem unintelligent, there are going to be days I’ll seem clumsy, there are going to be times when my drawings will turn out to be miserable, there are going to be times I’ll sing cacophony, there are going to be times I’ll be conscious and nervous on stage, there are going to be times I would not know how to get on with a case study or a project, there are going to be times I’ll take bad decisions, there are going to be times when I’d be in a foul mood and want to take out my frustration on someone. I want to be rude to someone. I don’t wanna forgive you for things you do to me. Why do I have to be a nice person? Why?
I don’t wanna have times when I fail to see what people are actually like; I don’t want to be fooled. I don’t want you to get me all emotional and submit to your demands, and keep regretting later. I want to insult people if they humiliate me. I don’t want to be nice. I don’t. Nice people don’t get anywhere. They just get stamped on and run over.
I feel like a pressure cooker with all the steam building up inside me, and will blast some day.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!
There are going to be days I’m feeling down, days on which I don’t want to be sweet to everyone, days I don’t wanna listen to the problems in your life, days I am preoccupied with decisions of my life, days I may not wanna pay attention to my hair or my dress, days I don’t wanna be bothered at all.
There are going to be times that the food I cook may be short of salt, there are going to be times I’m going to spill milk while boiling, and there are going to be times I will forget to put sugar in the tea, there are going to be times I over or undercook food. I don’t want to be perfect, or I don’t want you to tell me I should be perfect or less than that. I want to be human.
There are going to be times when my bag gets torn, there are going to be times when my sandals get spoiled, there are going to be times I will want to watch stupid movies which do not seem to have intelligent storylines or perfect direction, there are going to be times I would want to listen to idiotic music, there are going to be times when I will read books that would seem unintelligent, there are going to be days I’ll seem clumsy, there are going to be times when my drawings will turn out to be miserable, there are going to be times I’ll sing cacophony, there are going to be times I’ll be conscious and nervous on stage, there are going to be times I would not know how to get on with a case study or a project, there are going to be times I’ll take bad decisions, there are going to be times when I’d be in a foul mood and want to take out my frustration on someone. I want to be rude to someone. I don’t wanna forgive you for things you do to me. Why do I have to be a nice person? Why?
I don’t wanna have times when I fail to see what people are actually like; I don’t want to be fooled. I don’t want you to get me all emotional and submit to your demands, and keep regretting later. I want to insult people if they humiliate me. I don’t want to be nice. I don’t. Nice people don’t get anywhere. They just get stamped on and run over.
I feel like a pressure cooker with all the steam building up inside me, and will blast some day.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!
I cant think of a title...
After making plans for about two weeks to go watch a movie, my friend and me finally went today and watched ‘Rang de Basanti’. Good movie overall, but some things are pretty stupid and unreal. The defense minister is apparently a corrupt politician, and has been buying cheaper parts for air force fighter planes - MiGs, which have been responsible for many MiG crashes and deaths of the pilots. A friend of theirs who is a MiG pilot dies in a crash, and to avenge that the group of friends decide to kill the defense minister!! I find this stupid, as if defense minister single handedly went to the grocer’s and bought a basket of MiG parts, and no one else is responsible. And that, if they kill him the problem will be solved! Okay, for once I can understand that all of them were full of fury because of the friend’s death. But, the killing was way too simple, and as the movie went about it, it appeared no one had or would have had any clue that they killed him; in fact, the news channels blamed foreign forces for this. Moreover, all they had to do to kill the defense minister of the country was to pick up a gun and shoot the minister while he was very leisurely taking his morning walk on the road without any guards at all, and flee very conveniently without drawing any attention! Although I do not know how the government and this system exactly go on, but I do not believe that killing the defense minister is that easy! Simpler than robbing an empty house.
However, overall, a good watch. Nice movie.
We were running late and reached the movie 5 minutes late, so a lot of confusion about the seats, all the darkness, no one around to direct audience to their seats. Our row was b and we thought it was d, so we entered that row. Then we realized it was b, so we got out of it and entered the wrong column of row b. Confusion all around with more people looking for their seats and entering wrong rows! Aaaaaaaaargh! So finally, we settled in our seats.
We were talking about something in very hush hush voices when we suddenly hear a very loud “LOOSE CONTROL!!”… We were shaken and were in a state of shock for 2 seconds, haha. Then we realized we had a huge speaker above on the wall beside our seats – we were sitting in corner seats.
A couple beside us where the girl probably had recently bought her cell and was continuously fidgeting with it. She did not let the backlight turn off for more than 30 seconds at a stretch. And, after everything she whispered in her boyfriend’s ear, all he had to say was “Oh, SHUT up!” A little while later the tables turned. It was her turn now, and she said “SHUT UP, Ashutosh.” I wanted to say “get out Ashutosh, and take your girlfriend with you!!!” Immediately after that, a kid started wailing uncontrollably. They were silent for a while then, and as soon as the people in the movie killed the defense minister, the soundtrack of kal ho na ho began. I thought how ridiculous can they get. But thankfully (or actually not), it was the ringing tone of a cell that belonged to the guy sitting exactly behind us. Then finally he did us a favor by receiving the call, but he was shouting in my ears as he talked. During the interval, the couple got themselves a pizza, and they girl appeared to be an ogre while she ate it. And this time, I was not the only one amazed – even her boyfriend was staring at her. Peacefully watched the movie for about next 10 minutes, and someone screams “Haha, tujhe Accounts mein sirf Saadhe teen aaye hai”, some one sitting very far in the front of us. And everyone could hear him, and someone shouted “Aur tujhe kitne aaye hai”. Could have been funny, if the couple beside me had let us watch rest of the movie in peace. Then the girl again says something to the guy and this time Mr. Ashutosh goes a step ahead and says… no, actually, Shouts - **** OFF!! I really wanted to slap both of them at that instant. Why were they sitting there at all? Why did they need to talk if this was all they could say?! Anyways, they were not a lot of trouble after that except the irritating backlight of the girl’s cell. They must have stopped talking after that.
So we finished our popcorn and cokes and were out of that crazy place, came back home and sat in my room talking for a while. Somehow, both of us had ended up with bad moods because of our separate reasons and had totally forgotten about the movie within 30 minutes of the movie’s end.
Well, anyways I am doing okay right nowJ. See ya
Regards,
Devil’s own
However, overall, a good watch. Nice movie.
We were running late and reached the movie 5 minutes late, so a lot of confusion about the seats, all the darkness, no one around to direct audience to their seats. Our row was b and we thought it was d, so we entered that row. Then we realized it was b, so we got out of it and entered the wrong column of row b. Confusion all around with more people looking for their seats and entering wrong rows! Aaaaaaaaargh! So finally, we settled in our seats.
We were talking about something in very hush hush voices when we suddenly hear a very loud “LOOSE CONTROL!!”… We were shaken and were in a state of shock for 2 seconds, haha. Then we realized we had a huge speaker above on the wall beside our seats – we were sitting in corner seats.
A couple beside us where the girl probably had recently bought her cell and was continuously fidgeting with it. She did not let the backlight turn off for more than 30 seconds at a stretch. And, after everything she whispered in her boyfriend’s ear, all he had to say was “Oh, SHUT up!” A little while later the tables turned. It was her turn now, and she said “SHUT UP, Ashutosh.” I wanted to say “get out Ashutosh, and take your girlfriend with you!!!” Immediately after that, a kid started wailing uncontrollably. They were silent for a while then, and as soon as the people in the movie killed the defense minister, the soundtrack of kal ho na ho began. I thought how ridiculous can they get. But thankfully (or actually not), it was the ringing tone of a cell that belonged to the guy sitting exactly behind us. Then finally he did us a favor by receiving the call, but he was shouting in my ears as he talked. During the interval, the couple got themselves a pizza, and they girl appeared to be an ogre while she ate it. And this time, I was not the only one amazed – even her boyfriend was staring at her. Peacefully watched the movie for about next 10 minutes, and someone screams “Haha, tujhe Accounts mein sirf Saadhe teen aaye hai”, some one sitting very far in the front of us. And everyone could hear him, and someone shouted “Aur tujhe kitne aaye hai”. Could have been funny, if the couple beside me had let us watch rest of the movie in peace. Then the girl again says something to the guy and this time Mr. Ashutosh goes a step ahead and says… no, actually, Shouts - **** OFF!! I really wanted to slap both of them at that instant. Why were they sitting there at all? Why did they need to talk if this was all they could say?! Anyways, they were not a lot of trouble after that except the irritating backlight of the girl’s cell. They must have stopped talking after that.
So we finished our popcorn and cokes and were out of that crazy place, came back home and sat in my room talking for a while. Somehow, both of us had ended up with bad moods because of our separate reasons and had totally forgotten about the movie within 30 minutes of the movie’s end.
Well, anyways I am doing okay right nowJ. See ya
Regards,
Devil’s own
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