Tottering Philanderers

I am always surprised when supposedly respectable men, at an age when they're supposed to be worried sick about their children's future/careers/marriage go around making passes at girls less than half their age. They follow them around, trouble and embarass them notwithstanding their greying hair, wives at home and kids who aren't even kids anymore. If questioned, they pretty easily get off the hook by pretending their intentions were totally misunderstood, and that they were only trying to help/advise... and that how in the world could such an outrageous remark be made about them - afterall, the girl/s are kids and just like their own daughters! This whole scenario draws out an immense amount of disgust from within me!

It is of course uncomfortable and disturbing enough when loafers and hooligans make trouble for women.. but at least it is more or less what is expected out of these people. They can be shooed away, they can be slapped, help can be called for. But in the other scenario, there isn't much that can be done. They can much easily dodge any aquisitions.No matter what, they've lived long enough to know the world better than college going bums, and also have much less confusion and fear about everything. This makes it easier for them to carry on, and tougher to make them stop. I do agree that their is a considerably low percentage of men who do these things as compared to young guys (at least that is how i see it), but these are the same people who go around criticising and blabbering how difficult and irresponsible the younger generation is.

I've seen it a whole lotta times - these men chasing girls... actually even experienced it myself.. thank goodness it has been limited to them driving ahead, maintaining their pace and adjusting their rear-view mirrors - or maybe following you for a while... and that was bad enough... but i've been lucky. I pity their wives and families at home who are proud of these men, and totally unaware of things they are upto. Maybe some wives are even aware - I pity them even more, because they are not even going to give a thought to rebel/go agaisnt/leave their husbands. Can't even blame them for that though. They've been raised in a way and believed that they are totally dependant on men. This also reminds me of a quote by Helen Rowland in her book 'Reflections of a Bachelor girl':

"When you see what some girls marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living"

I do agree - a lot of women depend on men not because they have no other choice, but, because it is much more convenient this way, than to go out in the big bad world and work themselves. Here they're protected and have the things they need served in a platter - so what fi their husbands are totally detestable, haven't matured a bit or learnt anything from their lives even after five decades of life. And this is not about the flashy rich men, got nothing to do with it... even their counterparts behave in this manner... maybe more than the former - because they have social circles and are virtually living their lives in the way they would like others to see.

Time is the greatest teacher they say... any greater teachers around?

Regards,

Devil's Own

Saddled

A few days back i met this person... i instantly felt there was something weird about him. His eyes looked tired and afraid, he looked unsure when he talked, scared of the judgements of the world, and yet trying to give the impression that he was smart, confident , cool, carefree and loaded with knowledge... esp about psychology. But when i looked at him, he looked very afraid of what might/might not happen tomorrow... and he had grudges against the whole world for not letting his life become what he wanted it to be... for makng him make bad choices.

As he got talking, he had trouble looking at anyone in he eye... yet making sure he looked everyone straight into the eyes, and not flinch even once. When someone tried to put his own point forward while we were in a discussion... he behaved in a set pattern everytime. First, he pretended to listen.. and then dodge whoever besides him had anything to say... but when he thought he wasnt foing it too well, he tried to make the person feel inferior and insult him by not even paying attention.. raising his volume further and continuing to talk. Opposition to any point he made, made him totally uncomfortable and uneasy.

At first I felt anger when he didn't let anyone speak... but then I felt bad for him, because, I thought there must be such a lot of chaos and discomfort in his mind. I could sense that he didn't feel belonged and accepted. Bearing a feeling of inferiority in his mind... he tried to overcome that. He must have started to make efforts to make people feel small and intimidate them. He must have had to make such a lot of effort to bridge the gap between the two extremes in his mind. Afraid and conscious what anyone would think about him, trying to please everyone, yet telling himself... and everyone around... that he wasnt concerned abt anyone or anything in the world.

Going to a shrink has such a lot of stigma attached to it in our country... that let alone the people

who are afraid to go and talk to a counceller because people might think he's weak..... But, people actually start believing there is no need to take help... that they are strong enough at anytime to run their lives themselves. True... no one else can run your life for you... but there's no harm trying to ease your discomfort by letting someone help... actually... when you go to a shrink... you dont even need to call it help... they are paid services.

I believe it takes more courage to accept the weaknesses and take steps to solve the problems... of course, that is after you accept that yes, a problem does exist; than to tell everyone and yourself that there is no problem... and that... if there ever was, they dont need help. But yes, suffering in the latter case is far greater.

The society exists to make lives of the people who make it better - and not so that individuals have to modify their lives as per the convenience of the society. Yes, I do believe that there are certain ways and unwritten codes of conduct that you need to and should follow because we live in an interdependent civilization. But we also need to remember that it is more important to run your live in a manner that is satisfactory for you and people concerned and be happy than to pretend and make people believe it is so...

Regards,

Devil's own

A Talk to remember

I met an old gentleman today while I had gone to the vegetable vendor with my friend to quickly pick up some veggies for the curry being prepared at home. He was wearing a suit, and a cap of the same grey color typical of the northern hilly regions of the country. As I walked to the stall, he caught my attention. He looked very old, but yet his eyes weren't tired, they had a youth in them. He was standing there, smiling, looking at the fresh vegetables when I asked the seller how much the drumsticks cost. As he answered, the old man told him "oh! don't you fool the children. I know these do not cost that much"... Then he turned to me and explained how to identify the good ones from the bad; which ones taste better in the curry... then as if his mind went back to recall the taste, he looked up at the sky and then looked back and said that he loved eating them. He closed his eyes for a few seconds as if to relish the taste in his mind.

He was really enjoying talking to us... and of course, so were we :). As the conversation moved on, he told us he was from Badrinath, which is a famous pilgrimage of India, and from what I've seen on television and read - A very beautiful place and a treat for the senses. He was in the city to celebrate the birth of his great grandchild, and he was 87 years old.

He was quite happy and jolly and he seemed very content with his life. He said he had happily lived his life, and for a longer time than he expected to, and now he wished and prayed for the later generations to live their life fully.

My attention drifted to the vegetables again, and then I asked him what he was there to buy. He threw his hand in the air and said oh nothing! I was just walking past and I saw these lovely karelas (bittergourds). So I thought I'll go have a look at them, and chat a while with the vendor.

It was truly a pleasure talking to him, and my heart was content and I had a smile on my face for a long time after my encounter with him. He asked me what I was studying, and he smiled and said you'll be a 'big' person a few years from now, and that people will look upto me. And I felt happy when he said that. We told him that we had been friends since kindergarten, and he grinned, as if a granddad looking at his grandchildren with pride in his eyes. Then he again told us a little about himself, and that he was taking a stroll across the streets, and that he liked it bst, when he was in places of worship. He was on his way to the vaishnodevi temple a few blocks ahead.

He left me with a lot of blessings and good wishes and a heart full of mirth. It was a treat to meet him; and someday, when I am his age, I hope even I can look back at the years I lived, and smile and be satisfied with the way I lived, and then pass on my wishes and the lessons that I learnt to the generation that will be.

As he was leaving I said 'It was a pleasure meeting you uncle'. And he quickly turned and said 'oh! you're so young, you're like my grandchildren. Don't call me uncle, call me Dadaji (grandpa)' And I smiled and bid Dadaji adieu.

I watched him as he walked on and disappeared from my sight.... and I smiled....

Love,

Devil's own