A few days back i met this person... i instantly felt there was something weird about him. His eyes looked tired and afraid, he looked unsure when he talked, scared of the judgements of the world, and yet trying to give the impression that he was smart, confident , cool, carefree and loaded with knowledge... esp about psychology. But when i looked at him, he looked very afraid of what might/might not happen tomorrow... and he had grudges against the whole world for not letting his life become what he wanted it to be... for makng him make bad choices.
As he got talking, he had trouble looking at anyone in he eye... yet making sure he looked everyone straight into the eyes, and not flinch even once. When someone tried to put his own point forward while we were in a discussion... he behaved in a set pattern everytime. First, he pretended to listen.. and then dodge whoever besides him had anything to say... but when he thought he wasnt foing it too well, he tried to make the person feel inferior and insult him by not even paying attention.. raising his volume further and continuing to talk. Opposition to any point he made, made him totally uncomfortable and uneasy.
At first I felt anger when he didn't let anyone speak... but then I felt bad for him, because, I thought there must be such a lot of chaos and discomfort in his mind. I could sense that he didn't feel belonged and accepted. Bearing a feeling of inferiority in his mind... he tried to overcome that. He must have started to make efforts to make people feel small and intimidate them. He must have had to make such a lot of effort to bridge the gap between the two extremes in his mind. Afraid and conscious what anyone would think about him, trying to please everyone, yet telling himself... and everyone around... that he wasnt concerned abt anyone or anything in the world.
Going to a shrink has such a lot of stigma attached to it in our country... that let alone the people
who are afraid to go and talk to a counceller because people might think he's weak..... But, people actually start believing there is no need to take help... that they are strong enough at anytime to run their lives themselves. True... no one else can run your life for you... but there's no harm trying to ease your discomfort by letting someone help... actually... when you go to a shrink... you dont even need to call it help... they are paid services.
I believe it takes more courage to accept the weaknesses and take steps to solve the problems... of course, that is after you accept that yes, a problem does exist; than to tell everyone and yourself that there is no problem... and that... if there ever was, they dont need help. But yes, suffering in the latter case is far greater.
The society exists to make lives of the people who make it better - and not so that individuals have to modify their lives as per the convenience of the society. Yes, I do believe that there are certain ways and unwritten codes of conduct that you need to and should follow because we live in an interdependent civilization. But we also need to remember that it is more important to run your live in a manner that is satisfactory for you and people concerned and be happy than to pretend and make people believe it is so...
Regards,
Devil's own
4 comments:
That person you met was me, 17 years ago. 17 years ago I was overworked and underpaid and stressed out. Then I had a mental breakdown. It took me three years of psychiatry just to get me to accept my problem. Only then could the healing begin. After 17 years of studying my own illness and receiving psychological help, I am finally free enough to deal with lifes problems without needing medications. I'm glad you could understand the strangers inner turmoil and feel empathy for him. That is exactly what helps a person like me, 17 years ago!
The road of Normalcy is actually as thin as a razor's edge compared to vast plains. The chances of any one getting off the road is pretty easy.
The road to drive has been defined, but the definition keeps on changing. Today some one like marilyn manson can exist and be followed(http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001504/)...while only few years ago he would have been shunned in an asylum. Who wants to be sane?...I am here to live a life and live on my own terms. Even if i am crazy and am happy, does it matter what people say of me? What does a normal man have? I think that in today's world, something that is being considered as ambition must have been insanity in some century. Shrinks have just studied what exists and classified it for academic purposes. People like john nash...Hugh heffner(aviator) ahve made it big with all the disabilities. On the other hand Society made their lives miserable by branding them as mentally unstable. I think a person shouldnot be judged on his sanity but what he took from the society and what he contributed to it. On this scale, many normal people are wanting. But yeah, the supreme thing still should be Live and Let live. If that isn't being followed, then definitely the man should be shunned. Because he is taking away much much more than he is giving back. BTW, donot worry, as one of my favourate movie still is "As good as it gets". and as The Joker in the batman series says, for some people "Madness Is the emergency exit"
Quoting Rich Dad Poor Dad "There are so many 'intelligent' people who argue or defend when a new idea clashes with the way they think. In this case, their so-called 'intelligence' combined with 'arrogance' equals 'ignorance'".
Ignorant people start tackling their inferiority complex by being arrogant about what they think. They think that shouting and intimidating others would make them higher in the eyes of everybody. I think there is nothing wrong with such people, only that they crave attention, and if u peep in to their lives, u get to know whats been hurting them. Its a very common phenomenon that most of us go through at some age of our lives, only that for some people, it stays for a long time.
Ignorance is not a bliss, enlightenment is what they need, from a friend, or u may say a shrink.
Hey sonny
m glad u sailed thru!
:)
Hey there rainmaker
I am not condemning anyone here.. felt bad after i met that person. and that is what this is all abt. i am not calling him mad... not even close. the road to normalcy is not defined imho.. it depends.. when someone loses someone close.. it is normal to lose perspective and get into depression.
"Even if i am crazy and am happy, does it matter what people say of me?"
you are right here.. and i am glad this came from you
marilyn manson is a tv star he can do whatevr he wants too.. and ppl will follow him.. he actually got his ribs removed.. now that cannot be called sane and ppl know that, but noone objects!
That person refuses to comply with anyone around and all he can do is complain.. and let his father down. He refused to marry before, and made sure the folks stop looking anywhere for a girl. now... he's more than 31 , wants to marry.. a girl who's very fair, very beautiful, working, but willing to quit when required, should be md/mba/me or equivalent, convent educated.. as urban as rural, well verse with shakespeare, know abt britney spears, azim premji and uma bharti. family assets-1 crore; cooking, driving, slim, attractive, fair, good height... and lots of blah...
and he has his parents to blame now that they cant find him a bride
whereas he is a grad, doesnt earn enuf, coz keeps investing his father's money into b'ness ideas that go kaput... on the whole... he just goes on asking for more, never paying back.
at times, you dont need an exit.. u need to stay there and work yr brains to get wht u want
Thanks for the comment rainmaker.. a long and intellectually stimulating one at that.
I hope i dint offend you :)
hi rohit!
"Ignorant people start tackling their inferiority complex by being arrogant about what they think. They think that shouting and intimidating others would make them higher in the eyes of everybody. I think there is nothing wrong with such people, only that they crave attention, and if u peep in to their lives, u get to know whats been hurting them"
well said.. that is wht was my point... the things he does to tackle his inferiority.. ppl are going to try and empathise till a certain limit, not all the time. he needs to understand that. u need to fight for yrself, right... but not this way.. u cant get to the top by throwing everyone else on the way down! hurts yes.. but... ppl have there own lives rohit
:) true.. thats wht shrinks and councellors are for..
Thank you everyone for yr time and interest
Regards,
Devil's own
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