I had come across the term ‘open relationship’ somewhere some time back, don’t remember where, and couldn’t understand what that meant. Not single, not attached, but in an open relationship. I thought the term sounded weird, but didn’t go any deeper into it to understand the meaning. A few days back, there was a newspaper article on the topic – redefining monogamy. It said that open relationships are the in thing, not with yuppie college goers, but with civilized married couples. Not just in the Cosmo part of the country and the world but even in the small towns like Ambala, Meerut et al. I was aghast. I was shocked. I thought that article must be by a witty columnist making fun of it, or at least one that depicted the deteriorating lifestyles, and completely morally impaired people that are hopelessly and continuously devaluing human relationships. But what is the world coming to! It actually advocated the issue in positive light and how it cures boredom and monotony in the life of married couples. I’d rather not marry at all if I had to live this kind of a life, or face even a nanosecond of it.
But first, for those of you who have been unaware of this new trend like me, here’s an introduction to the basics of open marriage, also known as managed monogamy (!!!). This makes it sound filthier to me… managed monogamy?! What rubbish. Administration and management at home to run the marriage smoothly?! Provide benefits and incentives to ensure job satisfaction at home?! Here’s a part from that article.
*****
“New age couples are defining their out-of-marriage encounters as part of managed monogamy, where the spouse approves all external romantic and sexual encounters. According to a report, couples shouldn’t take monogamy for granted. Instead, they should take the urge to stray for granted. For couples who want to be in the happily-ever-after category, this is the new truth…
… It’s a positive trend, as it allows couples to look at inadequacies in their relationship and seek sexual and romantic partners who can fulfill them…
… Most couples explain that they’re switching to managed monogamy as short-term adventure that will prevent them from straying away forever…
… Says naina, ‘… Yes I am having an affair with my colleague. I discussed this with my husband and he’s okay about my dating this guy. Aditya has a crush of his own, so he’s actually quite preoccupied with her. We both understand our ‘other’ attractions as for us it is a mutual decision to date other people and yet remain married to each other.’”
*****
Excusez moi, why get married in the first place if you cant live with one person all your life?
Crush? Dating? MAN! Outrageous! Prevent them from straying forever? Ha! What more is left to stray from? It is shameful enough to read about it, and when I think of how are they going to raise children and what are they going to teach them I get all dizzy. Either the children would be completely ashamed of their parents, or they’ll be as morally impaired as their parents. Both these situations aren’t healthy. I hope these ultra hip couples remain busy with their dating and affairs and choose not to have children. I still don’t understand, that when it is so difficult to stay with one person, WHY is the need to get married? Social or financial or emotional security?! Disgusting!
If this is urbanization or modernization, then I’d rather live in the middle ages.
Man very tactfully finds explanations to vindicate everything he wants to do. Not that he would stay away from it thinking it to be bad if it is not justified, just that if it is justified it will be convenient and hassle free for him, keeping him completely devoid of guilt feeling, and any blames. This is exactly why there can never be anything which can be termed as good or bad. Something is bad only until it finds explanations and justifications for being necessary or unavoidable, or at least acceptable, and then it handily transforms first into a necessary evil, and then into something good or atleast something pretty normal. But shouldn’t there be a limit to this? But of course, who will set the limit? But, to think of it, isn’t that what morals and ethics are supposed to do? Aren’t they supposed to put boundaries where man’s greed fails?
But first, for those of you who have been unaware of this new trend like me, here’s an introduction to the basics of open marriage, also known as managed monogamy (!!!). This makes it sound filthier to me… managed monogamy?! What rubbish. Administration and management at home to run the marriage smoothly?! Provide benefits and incentives to ensure job satisfaction at home?! Here’s a part from that article.
*****
“New age couples are defining their out-of-marriage encounters as part of managed monogamy, where the spouse approves all external romantic and sexual encounters. According to a report, couples shouldn’t take monogamy for granted. Instead, they should take the urge to stray for granted. For couples who want to be in the happily-ever-after category, this is the new truth…
… It’s a positive trend, as it allows couples to look at inadequacies in their relationship and seek sexual and romantic partners who can fulfill them…
… Most couples explain that they’re switching to managed monogamy as short-term adventure that will prevent them from straying away forever…
… Says naina, ‘… Yes I am having an affair with my colleague. I discussed this with my husband and he’s okay about my dating this guy. Aditya has a crush of his own, so he’s actually quite preoccupied with her. We both understand our ‘other’ attractions as for us it is a mutual decision to date other people and yet remain married to each other.’”
*****
Excusez moi, why get married in the first place if you cant live with one person all your life?
Crush? Dating? MAN! Outrageous! Prevent them from straying forever? Ha! What more is left to stray from? It is shameful enough to read about it, and when I think of how are they going to raise children and what are they going to teach them I get all dizzy. Either the children would be completely ashamed of their parents, or they’ll be as morally impaired as their parents. Both these situations aren’t healthy. I hope these ultra hip couples remain busy with their dating and affairs and choose not to have children. I still don’t understand, that when it is so difficult to stay with one person, WHY is the need to get married? Social or financial or emotional security?! Disgusting!
If this is urbanization or modernization, then I’d rather live in the middle ages.
Man very tactfully finds explanations to vindicate everything he wants to do. Not that he would stay away from it thinking it to be bad if it is not justified, just that if it is justified it will be convenient and hassle free for him, keeping him completely devoid of guilt feeling, and any blames. This is exactly why there can never be anything which can be termed as good or bad. Something is bad only until it finds explanations and justifications for being necessary or unavoidable, or at least acceptable, and then it handily transforms first into a necessary evil, and then into something good or atleast something pretty normal. But shouldn’t there be a limit to this? But of course, who will set the limit? But, to think of it, isn’t that what morals and ethics are supposed to do? Aren’t they supposed to put boundaries where man’s greed fails?
As the line in the song ' Affirmation' by savage garden goes... 'i believe that trust is more important than monogamy'... yeah sure it is. but not that monogamy isn't important. And i cannot trust people who indulge or even believe in "managed monogamy"!!! Honesty is a virtue, yes. But honesty won't get you anywhere if you are doing unethical things. Kill someone and be honest about it, betray your spouse and be honest about it! NO dude! it doesn not work that way.
Not that people didn’t stray or have extra marital affairs without this concept of managed monogamy, but now they have a public license to do as they please and be proud of it and flaunt it. Guilt comes nowhere in the picture, as the couple is aware of what the spouses are up to, and all they will do about it is find themselves a date too. The concept of family has been totally lost here. Nobody has the benefit of blaming the spouse for cheating because there’s nothing hidden here, nothing secret. I wish there arises an ethical revolution which gets everyone back to their senses and save them from doom. As for me, I’m pretty content with my old fashioned ways.
Not that people didn’t stray or have extra marital affairs without this concept of managed monogamy, but now they have a public license to do as they please and be proud of it and flaunt it. Guilt comes nowhere in the picture, as the couple is aware of what the spouses are up to, and all they will do about it is find themselves a date too. The concept of family has been totally lost here. Nobody has the benefit of blaming the spouse for cheating because there’s nothing hidden here, nothing secret. I wish there arises an ethical revolution which gets everyone back to their senses and save them from doom. As for me, I’m pretty content with my old fashioned ways.
Regards,
Devil's own
9 comments:
ihate to read this :p
hiya tag
oye why are you smiling if you hate this? and do you hate my post or do you hate the practice?
But yeah, it is saddening the way people are demolishing ethics.
Shocking... actually i dont have words!
Well, anyways keep posted
ciao
Devil
i hate the practice !
but where did this come from ? actually another junk frm westernisation ??
Tag,
Actually i wont blame the west for this. The problem with the indians is that they are trying to adopt the ways and practices from the west, the their mindset remains the same. I dont think that Indians and Americans or Australians or anything can look at something from the same point of view. They'll do things like this, but cause an uproar if we celebrate the valentine's day! They'll love miniskirts, but will point fingers at girls who wear them or tight fitting clothes.
And well, westernization or not... here we're questioning the ethics and integrity of people... no matter what the country, the morals and values are important.
Regards
why do different ppl see it differently ! obviously the way they hav been seein things from the begining right !.
They way things r goin we might hav the next generation here not finding this as strange as we find it probably as shameful as we find it.
what is the soln neway ? with so much access to information cant stop them from reading about these !
yeah tag
Hmm... there is no solution. And if the next generation woulnt be ashamed that is because it'll be pretty normal and a way of life for them.
I dont think access to information is a problem. We've had access to information too, lots of it. All the information we want. But want you think, and what you do ultimately depends on your own judgement. If you think something is right you'll do that.I dont know if there is a solution at all. coz the priorities have been redifined, and there arent any social barriers too. I mean, right now maybe this concept isnt very popular, but nor is it taboo. and society is made of these people... i dont know.
I really dont know whats the solution. I wish i did.
This is really depressing
Devil
hey written a post abt it... read tht :)
quite a weird concept ain't it?!
Whoa....first and foremost, applause...
***Standing Ovation***
:) Gal,ur parents and teachers should be proud of the values they have inculcated in u.You've picked on a topic that most people either simple shy away from or are afraid of the world knowing their views.And you've handled it pretty neatly,to say the least.
"managed monogamy?! What rubbish. Administration and management at home to run the marriage smoothly?! Provide benefits and incentives to ensure job satisfaction at home?!"
Beautifully put. I read this article in TOI too, and it goes w/o saying that my reaction was pretty much the same as yours. True,in fact such irresponsible articles shake up the very foundations of my value system. This was surely not something that v grew up to believe in!
Content with "Old-fashioned" ways, aren't v all! :)
Us Western U.S. Indian native Americans only mate once, and only for life! That's why I'm 43 and NOT married to a white woman!
Post a Comment